Italiano

Io mi chiamo Ajay Kamalakaran. Io abito a Bombay. Si, I am studying Italian now at the university. Every single weekend from now and April 2011 will be spent in the quest to learn the true language of love. Consider the fact that I will be doing the next level at the Alliance Francaise and I will be studying 7 days a week from now till the end of November.

This is really going to be a challenge and I am looking forward to this. Incidentally, I have missed about 18 hours of class already since I joined the course late and there's a test tomorrow. I have way too much pride to not go prepared. So here's to a long night of studying.

Plain Indian?

I've made it a policy to tell people that I have no religion, no caste, no linguistic or regional background and that I am just an Indian. It is irritating that in 21st century India, educated people are obsessed with such things.

I've heard quite a lot of arguments about regional pride and pride in one's culture and one's religion etc but the simple answer from me is that "if you are proud of your background, good for you. My own is personal and really none of your business."

One of the extra-curious kids wanted to know whether I was a Muslim and she then guessed by my first name that I'm not. The 17-year-old went on a tirade about how much she hated Muslims and wanted them out of India. When I told her that variety always enriched India, she told me that she couldn't be tolerant towards intolerant people.

She narrated a story to me about how Muslims living in her housing society slaughtered goats in the common compound and the goat's blood was all over the compound. Apparently when the Hindus complained, the Muslims said, the compound was as dirty after the Hindus celebrated Holi, the festival of colours. The narrator was furious that goat blood was compared to coloured water.

I told that in this day and age, we need to compromise somewhere and reach an understanding. She refused to budge and said her family moved to a society that banned membership to Muslims.

I am not going to judge this girl or the Muslim goat-slaughterers. There has to be a better way of solving such conflicts.

The Pakistan Syndrome

When I came here from New York in 1993, there wasn't much love lost for Pakistan but no one here hated the country. Things changed in March 1993 when 17 bombs ripped across some of the busiest locations in the city, killing over 300 people. The blasts were revenge for the killings of Muslims during communal riots a few months earlier.

Since then, we've had several instances of Pakistani agencies targeting this city. There were bomb blasts in August 2003 and July 2006, when bombs were detonated in local trains . The most audacious attack on the city came on November 26, 2008 when 10 terrorists took the sea route and attacked ordinary citizens in south Bombay.

The point is that these attacks were all carried out by Pakistani state and non-state actors. In the case of the 2008 attacks, ordinary Pakistanis insisted that Hindus and Zionists were the masterminds!

So we, Bombayites, are all the more sensitive when we hear about peace talks with Pakistan. The onus is on the Indian government to protect Bombay from Pakistani terrorists and the Pakistani state.

As for Pakistan, I wish the ordinary people of the country well. But seriously, stay the heck away from us and leave us alone.

Craze for foreign languages

Foreign-language institutes have mushroomed across the city. You can see the posters near bus stops and on walls near railway tracks: "Learn French, Russian, Spanish, Chinese, etc"

People have various motives to learn languages. At French class, there's a young man who wants to work as a tourist guide and is learning English, French and German. There are those that are into it to take private classes and of course there are those that are looking at migrating to greener pastures.

I guess I belong to a minuscule minority that wants to learn a new language for non-commercial reasons. I just want to speak to more people in their native languages and try and do away with English as far as possible. Of course, I also want to watch TV programs, understand music and read books in other languages. There isn't money in these things but there are lots of points vis-a-vis diversity in life.

Migration into Bombay

For years I've heard from many people cutting across religious, linguistic and economic barriers that migration into Bombay needs to be stopped. The fact is that in a democracy you just cannot enforce laws to stop from people coming in.

The solution lies in the development of 20-30 new cities. There are stop-gap measures that can de-congest Bombay. For starters, move the Western and Central Railway headquarters out of this city. There will be a lot of political pressure from the Hindi-belt against such a measure but since the Railway Minister doesn't seem to care either way, this is one step that can be taken.

It's encouraging to know that many mutli-nationals are choosing the Hyderabads and Bangalores to set up base in India. Let's encourage that. People follow economic opportunities. I am sure that people would prefer living in bigger homes and paying less rent and having a somewhat decent standard of living than doing the opposite in this city.

Raindrops in the mornings

I love walking in the university campus in Kalina with its greenery. There's a particular freshness in the mornings with the gentle drizzle and the smell of fresh raindrops on the grass and the trees.

The campus is an oasis of calm in a pretty busy neighbourhood that is one of the main thoroughfares between the western and eastern suburbs of Bombay. Studying in colleges outside the university's campus, I never experienced this kind of feel when I was pursuing higher education. It's indeed a wonderful feeling.

Double-Decker buses

The red double-decker buses are an icon of Bombay. The authorities wanted to phase them out but relented when they were faced with pressure from citizens' groups.

I, for one, love the rickety buses and which is why I am thrilled that there is a direct double-decker bus from the Santa Cruz station to the university. One of the greatest pleasures in Bombay is to sit in the front seat of a double-decker's upper deck. Yesterday was the first time in years I could do so.

The French course at the university is interesting, all the more so, because of an experienced professor who seems to possess the grace, dignity, kindness and patience that is a requisite of being a good instructor. The class is a mixed-bag with some knowing more French than the course will cover and others who have no business in the room.

I can't think of a better way to start off Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays for the next year than being in that wonderful learning environment.

French Course at the university

First of all, I have to say that the University of Mumbai's Kalina campus is a pleasant place. The campus is large, sprawling and has a lot of greenery. The professors there look very classy and dignified and with the sheer number of departments, the place is a temple of learning.

Getting admission into any course is however an obstacle thanks to the government-created bureaucracy and the clerks who act more like professors than the professors themselves.

The first response to anyone who wants to do a course is a "cold hesitation" to help. It's obvious that they don't want to encourage people to enrol for any course. I wonder where this kind of attitude comes from. I can see it going back to India's obsession with excluding people that has its roots in the caste system.

I was told the Diploma had already begun and that I needed to have completed the university's certificate course to qualify. The clerk was kind enough to let me have a word with the head of department and after a 3-minute conversation in French, I was allowed to enrol.

I went back the next day Here's the easy part: Fill in a form and submit copies of academic mark sheets. The tough part is going to a nationalized bank and waiting in a long queue to pay the fees and then coming back and showing the receipt before the clerks close for an hour-long lunch.

It's shame that in 21st century Bombay, banks like Allahabad Bank can get away with treating people so shabbily!!!

All said and done, my new French course starts on Tuesday and that makes me un joyeux homme!

Bombay Monsoons

We're at that stage of the monsoons when the sun doesn't appear for a few days. The weather is moderate and the autos and taxis have the supply-demand ratio strictly in their favor.

After taking two flights to get to the city from Colombo, I was shocked to hear at the pre-paid taxi booth that there was a shortage of taxis. Fleet cabs were also not available. The reason: It's raining heavily!! The taxi drivers that were outside the airport were demanding exorbitant amounts of money even from those that had paid for a prepaid taxi. Of course, there were no traffic policemen(there never are unless you park your car in the wrong place).

We finally had to wait 30 minutes in a queue to get an auto. Rain makes people in this city panic. Some blame it on that disastrous July afternoon in 2005 when it rained so heavily that the city turned into one gigantic river. I remember that horrible evening when the phones went dead and the electricity was switched off for 30 hours. It was a nightmare and the worst flood the city had ever faced.

The city needs the rain. It needs a healthy monsoon to ensure that there are no water shortages in the hot summer months of April and May. But you just wonder why this so-called future superpower can't handle something as routine as the monsoons.

Ticket-less travel in local trains

I wonder how less crowded the local trains would be if there were fewer ticket-less travelers. This morning I took a train from Andheri to Santa Cruz and it was way too crowded for 11:30 am. A ticket-checker in the first-class compartment rounded up 6 people for either travelling on a second-class ticket or traveling ticket-less.

One person jumped off the moving train on to the tracks! Others claimed they were new to the city and they didn't know the rules..etc.. None of that seemed to work of course. One person offered the TC a 100-rupee note. The ticket would have cost much less but the fine was much steeper. The TC refused to accept the bribe and the desperate passenger tried to touch the TC's feet to let him go. "Main Bhagwan Nahi Hoon (I'm not God)," said the TC asking the young man to not touch his feet.

I am all for ticket-less travelers in local trains to face the full wrath of the law. The trains are like sardine tins and bad enough without the free-loaders making them worse.

Welcome

I am a Bombayite (and I refuse to call the city by any other name). I was born in this city and have lived here on and off since I was a teenager. I love this city despite its flaws and the fact that living here gets more difficult with every passing second.