Tales from Vienna: The Making of the Silver Bullet

Today is the birthday of one of the greatest crime-fighters the world has ever seen: The Silver Bullet. We know of his exploits in fighting crime and terror incognito in the mean streets of Khar and Kemp's Corner but very few knew how this German went from being an ordinary mortal to a superhero.

It all happened a few years ago in the grimy and seedy 'Bermuda Triangle' district of Vienna. The peaceful and calm capital of the Austro-Hungarian Empire has just 1 dark spot in the correct side of the Danube: the area between the antique Ruprechts Church and the shady bars that sell cheap tequila.

The Silver Bullet, then an ordinary man in his mid-20s was having more alcohol than his body could possibly handle. After a deadly mix of tequilas, beers, vodkas and wines, he had a premonition: God was calling him. So he walked into the church, which is only open at night and shouted in German, 'God, I answer thy call!" It wasn't just the sincere pilgrims who took offense to this drunken outburst. The tortured spirits of the crusaders, who gave their lives for this very same God that the future-bullet mocked, swore revenge.

As the future-hero went back to the street and to a pub, where his friends were having even more drinks, he realised that he was missing his glasses. A sobre version of the future superhero would have known that the glasses were at home! In a state of panic, he shouted, "where are my glasses!!" The bouncer at the bar had just about enough. "You are too drunk to get in," he said to the future-hero and his friend.

The tortured spirits sensed a great opportunity to settle scores with this felon who committed blasphemy. One spirit entered the body of a frustrated young man, who was kicked out of boxing class for being indisciplined. This thug had an easy picking on a drunk semi-blind man. He punched our future hero several times and also took care of his friend. It was a massacre of the worst kind. When the evil sprit realised that the duo had been adequately punished, he left the body of the thug.

And what was the bouncer doing when all this was going on? Eating popcorn and enjoying the free show!!

The next morning, hungover, insulted, bruised and humiliated, the German said, "never again." He decided that he would not just make himself powerful but would fight crime around the world, even in places as far away as Pondicherry and Bali.

Years later, a grateful and safe public thank the Silver Bullet for making the world a safer place. It has been a long ride from that night at the Bermuda Triangle, through your training under a particular wolf, but you are now a Rockstar!!

Austrians and stray dogs: And now it's Bertram's turn

All the while, when Bertram, the Austrian from Bandra heard of or witnessed the gruesome and pitched battles between his countrymen and Indian stray dogs, he laughed his head off, going to the point of blogging about Gunter and the Wolf's troubles with the canines.

On a new moon day in dusty, broken down Andheri, karma would rear its ugly head on Bertram. Inflammed by a dry and hot February day, Bertram took the painful and agonising walk through the Andheri market on J.P. Road. The honking of auto rickshaws, the aggresive bikers, the dirty savages spitting and the pollution made the unbearable heat even worse.

As Bertram crossed the Hanuman Temple, he stepped on an unidentified object. Within a second, a loud howl shook the Austrian out of his self-imposed anger with Andheri. Betram had stepped on the paw of a stray dog. The frightened mutt limped away to safety, choosing not to harm the Salzburger. On compassionate grounds, Betram tried to buy a pack of biscuits for the mutt, but the terrified creature ran towards Andheri station fearing for its life.

A sad episode that was none the less over, thought Bertram, but the future had a twist of fortunes awaiting the Bavarian beer-lover.

12  hours after the first encounter with the mutt, Bertram was walking again on the same  J.P. Road. Only this time, the streets were empty and the dogs ruled the roost. As Betram recalled the wonderful moments of the Sicilian opera that he had watched, one bark from a stray turned to 10. It was now time for the morning's mutt to settle old scores. Shouts of shoo, aus, hutt, all fell on ears that were not willing to listen. The mutts smelt Austrian blood. They moved in towards Bertram, who quickly used his reflexes to start a barrage of stone-throws straight at the mutts. The shocked strays made a dash for nearby lanes, barking at their loudest and calling for reinforcements. Bertram was unshaken. It was he, who paid the taxes to the Indian Government and not the canines. The roads were his property.

As Bertram crossed the infamous Navrang Cinema Hall, the barks got softer until they came to a standstill. Yes, it was another victory for the nation that is the successor to the Austro-Hungarian Empire. Somewhere in celestial bliss, Franz Joseph I would have been proud that another one of his soldiers repelled a stray-dog attack in the land of savages!